Guidance for Your Relationships: 5 Steps from Proverbs
Remember the old Facebook relationship statuses? Single. Dating. Married. And then there was the one that always made you pause: It's complicated. Whenever someone posted that, you knew there was a story behind it.
Here is the truth: every human relationship could be labeled “it's complicated” to some degree. Why? Because every relationship is complicated because people are complicated. You think you have someone fully figured out, and then they say or do something that surprises you all over again. That is exactly why we need help. Guidance from God for your relationships is not a luxury. It is a necessity.
Continuing our series Guidance for Today, this message walks through the book of Proverbs to offer five practical steps for healthier relationships. Outside of your relationship with God, your relationships with people are the most important part of your life. So let's dig in.
1. Learn who you should and shouldn't trust
Trust is the foundation of every relationship, and Proverbs is honest about it.
“Trusting in a treacherous man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips.” (Proverbs 25:19)
A foot that slips does not do what a foot should do. In the same way, the person you should be cautious with is the one who consistently fails to do what they say. Not someone who makes an occasional mistake—everyone does—but someone whose pattern shows they cannot be relied on. Character is not what a person occasionally does; it is what they consistently do.
At the same time, some of us are so guarded we trust no one, usually because we have been badly hurt. Scripture points a healthier way: put faith in faithful people. Paul told Timothy to entrust responsibility to “faithful men who will be able to teach others also” (2 Timothy 2:2). The more faithful a person proves to be over time, the more you can trust them.
One caution and one comfort. The Bible never tells us to trust people with all our heart—only the Lord (Proverbs 3:5). Every person you know will fail you at some point, so do not ask a spouse or friend to be Jesus. But do lean toward grace. As 1 Corinthians 13:7 says, “love always trusts.” That does not mean being gullible; it means giving people a real chance and assuming the best when you reasonably can.
2. Learn to communicate like Christ
Communication shapes the course of your relationships. Proverbs gives us three quick ways to speak like Jesus.
Understand the weight of your words
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” (Proverbs 18:21)
Words have started wars and ended marriages—but words have also inspired hope and built families. Something may be easy for you to say and yet completely crush the person who hears it. Choose to speak life.
Be selective with your speech
“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” (Proverbs 10:19)
Not everything in your mind needs to come out of your mouth. A simple practice: pause, pray, then say.
Do not lack in listening
“If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” (Proverbs 18:13)
Ask a question, then quietly listen. Calmly repeat back what you heard to make sure you understand. So often the real issue is not the problem itself—it is how we communicate about the problem.
3. Develop discernment about confronting
“Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.” (Proverbs 26:4–5)
There is a time to confront and a time to hold back. A good surgeon uses a scalpel, not a battle axe—a targeted, careful move meant to heal, not harm. Before you confront someone, ask three questions:
Can I confront them calmly and lovingly?
Are they actually open to feedback?
Will this be a constructive conversation that helps them grow?
If the answer is no, sometimes the wisest, most loving choice is to step back and let God work.
4. Avoid neediness and neglect
Proverbs balances two truths beautifully:
“Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.” (Proverbs 25:17)
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)
We are called to be faithful, sacrificial friends—and to keep healthy boundaries. Do not smother people, and do not neglect them either. Neediness looks like always needing attention and feeling empty without it. Neglect looks like putting tasks over people and missing what matters most to those you love. Aim for faithful friendship with boundaries.
5. Let love cover all sin
“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.” (Proverbs 10:12)
Every day we sin and are sinned against. When someone wrongs you, you can respond with hatred, which turns a small conflict into a war, or with love, which de-escalates and forgives. The temptation is to keep sending reminders of the offense—date, time, and receipt—and even to increase the “fine” over time. But love lets it go.
How is that even possible? Only because we have first been forgiven.
“If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin… If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:7, 9)
Walking in the light does not mean being perfect. It means letting God and others see you as you really are. As you rest more deeply in God's forgiveness of you, you will find yourself more able to forgive others. We love because he first loved us.
A takeaway to carry into this week
Pick the one relationship God brought to mind while reading. Which of these five steps does it most need—trust, communication, discernment, better boundaries, or forgiveness? Ask God for the courage to take one small, loving step this week.
If you are anywhere in the Tri-Valley—Livermore or a nearby town—and you are wrestling with a hard relationship, we would love to walk with you. Come as you are; this is a place to belong and grow.