How to Lead Your Family Spiritually | Proverbs 22:6
Two pastors. Both loved the Bible. Both spent over forty years in ministry, both earned doctorates, both knew Scripture inside and out. But at the end of their lives, one is still married to the wife of his youth and enjoys close relationships with his kids and grandkids, while the other is on his second marriage and estranged from all three of his children. What made the difference? Both men knew the Bible. Only one actually practiced it at home.
That contrast opens this week's message in our Guidance for Today series. The main idea is simple but weighty: the state of your family forms your future. If the world shapes your family, it shapes a future you likely don't want. But if the Word of God shapes your family, you walk in the will of God, and that brings life.
God's guidance for marriage
1. Keep pursuing one another
Proverbs doesn't shy away from intimacy in marriage. It actually celebrates it as a good gift from God — not something to worship, and not something to be ashamed of, but a gift meant to bond a husband and wife together for life. Consider the language:
"May you rejoice in the wife of your youth... may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man's wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?" (Proverbs 5:18–20)
Notice it says the wife of your youth, not the youthful wife. The goal is a love that deepens over decades. Here's the honest truth: intoxication with your spouse begins naturally but continues intentionally. If you don't intentionally pursue one another, you will naturally drift apart. Paul puts the mutual responsibility plainly:
"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband... the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband, and likewise the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife." (1 Corinthians 7:3–4)
Pursuing your spouse also guards the marriage. The more satisfied you are at home, the less pull you feel to look elsewhere. (And to be clear: if someone has cheated on you, that sin belongs to the person who committed it, not to you.)
2. Change your communication
Change your communication and you can change your relationship. For husbands, that means trading criticism for genuine praise:
"Her husband... praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'" (Proverbs 31:28–29)
You can push your wife down with constant criticism or pull her up with encouragement. Ask yourself: what's my praise-to-criticism ratio? For wives, Proverbs offers an equally direct word about letting go of control:
"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." (Proverbs 21:19)
The root of nagging is usually a desire to control. Speak up in love when it matters, then release the rest to God — He is far better at changing people than we are.
God's guidance for parenting
3. Lead your kids to Christ
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)
What is "the way"? Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life" (John 14:6). Your primary job as a parent is not behavior modification — it's pointing your children toward spiritual transformation in Christ. You can raise a polite, successful child who is spiritually bankrupt. Training is a daily discipline, and three habits help:
Pray daily — short, honest prayers of blessing and thanks over your children.
Attend church weekly — make gathering with God's people a settled priority.
Set an example — your kids learn more from who you are than what you say, especially when you model the gospel by asking forgiveness.
Remember, Proverbs are wise sayings, not ironclad promises. Children have their own will in a broken world. But when you lay a foundation, you give them something to return to.
4. Discipline your children
"Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." (Proverbs 13:24)
Loving discipline drives foolishness out of a child's heart. A few guardrails: discipline must actually be done; do it out of love, not anger; stay united with your spouse; follow through decisively; and never crush the child in the process.
"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." (Colossians 3:21)
The one perfect Father
Here's the honest ending: none of us is the perfect spouse or parent. If your hope rests on being perfect — or your family being perfect — it will fail you. There is only one perfect Father, and He is God. In the story of the running father (Luke 15), a son squanders everything, then heads home in shame. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him" (Luke 15:20). That is the heart of God toward you. We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). You can only give the love you have first received.
A takeaway to sit with
Which relationship in your family is God asking you to lead differently this week — and have you first received the love of the Father that makes it possible?
If you're anywhere in Livermore or the Tri-Valley and looking for a church family to grow with, we'd love to meet you and pray with you.