What Does the Bible Say About Grief When Someone You Love Dies?

Maybe someone you love has just died. It might have been a parent, a spouse, a child, or a close friend. Maybe it happened with no warning at all, or maybe it came at the end of a long illness. Either way, life does not feel the same, and the hurt is hard to put into words.

You might even wonder if something is wrong with your faith because you hurt this much. So what does the Bible say about grief?

Let me say this first. Grieving does not mean your faith is weak. When you lose someone you love, it hurts, and it is okay to grieve.

I preached a message on how to deal with death from John 11, the story of two sisters grieving their brother, Lazarus, and how Jesus met each of them.

The Bible does not tell you to stop grieving.

Paul, one of the first leaders of the church, once wrote a letter to a church he had started in the city of Thessalonica. Some people in that church had died, people they loved and Paul loved too. Here is what he told them:

"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, NIV)

In Paul's day, "fallen asleep" was a gentle way of saying someone had died. Now, notice what Paul does not say. He does not say, "Do not grieve." He says, do not grieve like people "who have no hope."

Grieving is normal. Grieving is needed. It is part of being human. So the question is not whether you should grieve. The question is how you grieve, because your hope determines how you handle grief.

Hope is not wishful thinking. Hope is a confident expectation for a better future. Paul's hope rested on one thing: "Jesus died and rose again."

That hope does not make losing someone easy. It will still be painful, and it will still be hard. But you don't have to be crushed by grief. You can be comforted in the middle of it. Paul described his own life as "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing" (2 Corinthians 6:10, NIV). Meaning, you can be sad and still have hope at the same time.

Jesus met Martha with a truth she could hold on to.

In John 11, a man named Lazarus got sick and died. Lazarus and his sisters, Martha and Mary, were some of Jesus' closest friends. By the time Jesus arrived, Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days (John 11:17).

When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet Him. And she was honest. She told Jesus that if He had been there, her brother would not have died. She was heartbroken, and maybe a little disappointed in Jesus too.

Maybe you have questions for God right now. Maybe you feel let down. You don't have to hide that from Him or pretend you are fine. He welcomes your honesty. If your biggest question is why God allowed this, you can read more about why God allows suffering if He is good and loving.

Notice, Jesus did not scold Martha for being honest. Instead, He encouraged her with a truth about who He is:

"I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25-26, NIV)

To be resurrected is to be raised from death to life. Jesus does not just say He can bring resurrection. He says, "I am the resurrection and the life." Resurrection is not only something Jesus does. It is who He is.

So for everyone who trusts in Jesus, death is not a dead end. Through faith in Christ, death becomes the doorway you walk through to see the Lord's love more clearly than ever before.

This hope is not something you earn. It is a gift you simply receive by trusting what Jesus has done for you. If you have never put your trust in Jesus, you can do that today.

Jesus met Mary with His tears.

Then Mary came. She fell at Jesus' feet, crying, and said the exact same words her sister had said (John 11:32). But Jesus answered her in a completely different way.

Martha needed to hear the truth. Mary was not in that place yet. What Mary needed was someone to be with her. When Jesus saw her weeping, He was "deeply moved in spirit and troubled" (John 11:33, NIV). Then comes a verse that is only two words long: "Jesus wept" (John 11:35, NIV).

Think about that. God in the flesh stood with a grieving family, and He cried. Why? Love. The people standing there could see it. They said, "See how he loved him!" (John 11:36, NIV).

Sometimes the amount of tears shows the amount of love. The more you love someone, the more it hurts to lose them. So you never have to apologize to God for your tears. Often, they show how much you loved.

Jesus meets you right where you are.

Grief can feel like a roller coaster. You might feel okay in the morning and fall apart by the afternoon. One day you need the truth, like Martha. The next day you just need someone with you, like Mary. In all of those places, Jesus meets you right where you are.

When you cry, He is not distant from your tears. He understands what you are going through, because He loves you. He knows what it is like to weep for someone He loved.

So where are you today? Do you need to hear the truth, or do you just need to know that Jesus is with you? You can tell Him. He knows exactly what you need.

Not even death can separate you from God's love.

Death is an enemy every one of us has to face, and many people fear it. But listen to what Paul wrote:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39, NIV)

Notice the very first thing on Paul's list: death. The good news is that even death is no match for the love of God.

Now look a little further, and you will find "the present" and "the future." Right now, the present may hold more pain than you know what to do with. The future may feel uncertain without the person you lost. Yet neither of these can separate you from the love of God.

It does not matter what you are going through. God's love will always remain the same. Jesus loved you enough to die in your place, and three days later He rose again and defeated death. There is not a single person, place, or thing that can separate you from His love.

Today, you can bring Jesus your tears and grieve with hope.

Daily Practice: Read John 11:17-36 slowly. When you reach verse 35, stop and tell Jesus honestly how you are doing today. You don't need the right words. He already knows, and He cares.

When you are hurting, the best help is often not the perfect words. It is someone who shows up and tells you they love you. If you would like someone to pray with you, or you just need to talk with someone at Arroyo, please reach out to us here.

If the weight of grief ever makes you feel like you can't go on, please call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time.

Why Does God Allow Suffering If He Is Good and Loving?

Maybe you are asking this question because you lost your health or someone you love. Or maybe you turned on the news, saw one more story of pain, and wondered, "If God is good and loving, why is there so much suffering?"

That question is both honest and understandable, because life can be hard. Oftentimes, I have been dragged down by the hardships I face in life too.

I will be honest with you because I love you. We cannot fully understand why God allows every suffering in this life, and that may not be the answer you wanted. But God is not silent about suffering. When you open God's word, you find a story about suffering, and like any story, it has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Suffering was never part of God's original creation.

The story begins in a perfect world. After God made everything, "God saw all that he had made, and it was very good" (Genesis 1:31, NIV). The planet was perfect, and people had perfect relationships with each other and with God.

Why did God make us? Love. God created you so He could love you and have a relationship with you, but love is a choice. When I proposed to my wife, Jamie, she had a chance to say yes or no. Thankfully, she said yes! If she had said no and I dragged her to the altar anyway, nobody would call that love.

God gave people a real choice because He wanted a real relationship. And wherever there is freedom of choice, there is a chance of consequences that come from bad choices. Adam and Eve chose to trust themselves more than they trusted God, so sin entered the world, and suffering came in with it.

You see, sin separates us from God, the source of everything good, and that leaves us open to suffering. God does not enjoy watching you suffer. It breaks His heart.

Your pain is not always a punishment for something you did.

When something terrible happens, many people wonder, "Is God punishing me for what I did last week?"

Not all suffering is directly because of your sin, but all suffering is indirectly because of sin. Some pain comes from our own bad choices, and some comes from what other people choose to do to us. But if you get sick, that does not mean you sinned last week. Sin broke the whole world, so a lot of suffering is not tied to any one choice you made.

In John 9, the disciples asked Jesus about a man who had been blind since birth. Who sinned, the man or his parents? "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him" (John 9:3, NIV).

Your suffering is not proof that God has turned against you, and He can still do His work right in the middle of it.

We will not understand every why in the middle of the story.

We know where suffering came from, but the middle of the story is where it gets messy. Why does one family do all the right things and still face heartbreak, while another family seems to have it easy?

The Bible is honest about this. It calls Job blameless, yet he lost nearly everything, including his children and his health. When Job asked God why, God did not hand him a list of reasons. Instead, He asked Job where he was when God laid the foundations of the earth (Job 38). Job finally admitted, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know" (Job 42:3, NIV).

Job did not understand everything, but he still trusted that God was great and good. Trying to understand everything about God is like an ant trying to understand the internet. It just won't work.

Think about it like this. Imagine a dad holding his newborn daughter and explaining gravity to her. She won't understand a word, and that is not because he is a bad teacher. She simply isn't ready yet. Compared to God, we are like that baby. He is not asking you to understand it all. He is asking you to trust Him while He holds you.

I have found that God does not cast us away when we ask, "Why would God allow this?" Rather, He gives us Himself as both the answer and the comfort we need. The Bible even gives us words for prayers like that, and Psalm 13 shows us how to pray honestly when we are hurting.

Suffering puts a choice in front of every one of us. Will it push you farther from God, or will it draw you closer to Him? Jesus never promised that life on this planet would be easy, but He did promise to be with you in it.

God is still good, even when what you are going through is not.

Not every storm in your life is one God sent you into. Sometimes it is simply the reality of the broken world we live in, and God allows it for His own reasons. Either way, He is still in control. God could heal you or stop the storm at any moment, but there are also times when He does not.

When He does not stop it, you can still hold on to this: what you are going through may not be good, but God is good, and He can bring good out of it. That is why Paul could write, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28, NIV). Notice, it does not say all things are good. It says God is working in all things.

God cares more about your character than He does about your comfort. He can use your hardest seasons to make you more like Jesus and to draw you closer to Him.

And God is not just powerful. He is present. Think about a bank: it has the power to cancel your debt, but it has no personal relationship with you, so it won't. A family member who loves you might want to help but may not have the money. In Jesus, you have the One who has both the power and the presence to carry you through.

Life can sideswipe you with suffering, but Jesus knows what that feels like. On the cross, He went through the worst kind of pain anyone could ever go through. The spiritual pain was even worse than the physical pain, because He was carrying the weight of our sins.

Jeremiah likely wrote Lamentations while his nation was being attacked and conquered, yet he could still say, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22-23, NIV). God's faithfulness has more to do with the consistency of His character than the consistency of your circumstances.

Suffering does not get the last word.

The good news is that we will not stay in the middle of the story forever. Some suffering ends in this life, and some will not end until the life to come. But if you have placed your faith in Jesus, a day is coming when you will never suffer again.

Here is how the story ends:

"Look! God's dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:3-4, NIV)

Notice what comes first. Yes, there will be no more crying or pain, but what makes heaven so heavenly is that you get to be with God.

Whatever you are going through right now is not the end of your story, so don't lose hope. Just turn the page.

I do not know what trial you are facing, but God does, and His love for you still remains the same. Today, you can bring your honest questions to God and still choose to trust that He is good.

Daily Practice: Play the hymn "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." As it plays, tell God honestly what you do not understand about what you are facing. Then thank Him for one thing you know is true about Him.

If you are hurting and don't want to carry this alone, please share a prayer request. We would love to pray for you.

Where Is God When You’re Suffering? Finding Hope in the Middle of Pain

• Table of Contents:

  • Understanding the Source of Suffering

  • How to Pray Through Pain

  • God Is Working in Your Suffering

  • Trusting God’s Goodness and Power

  • The Hope Beyond Suffering

  Suffering is one of life’s hardest realities—and one of the biggest reasons people question God. Whether it’s emotional pain, broken relationships, illness, or loss, we’ve all faced moments where we’ve asked: “God, where are You?”

  At Arroyo Church, we believe in facing hard questions head-on. And this is one of the deepest: Where is God when I am suffering?

  If you’ve ever wrestled with that question, you’re not alone. But the good news is that the Bible doesn’t ignore suffering—it speaks directly into it. And even here in the Bay Area, often described as a “spiritual desert,” God is still moving, still speaking, and still offering hope like a river in the dry places.

  1. Understanding What Started Suffering

  To understand suffering, we have to go back to the beginning.

  God created the world good—perfect, without pain, death, or brokenness. But humanity chose to turn away from God. Sin entered the world, and with it came suffering.

  This means something important: God is not the author of suffering—sin is.

  Instead of blaming God, we can recognize that we live in a broken world. That doesn’t make the pain easier, but it gives clarity. Suffering isn’t proof that God is absent—it’s evidence that something is not as it should be.

  So what do we do with that truth?

  • Don’t blame God for what sin has caused

  • Don’t be surprised by suffering—prepare for it with faith

  When we understand the origin of suffering, we stop asking “Why is this happening at all?” and start asking better questions.

  2. Learn to Pray Honestly About Your Pain

  One of the most powerful truths in Scripture is this: God invites your honesty.

  In Psalm 10, the writer cries out:

  “Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?”

  That’s raw. That’s real.

  God isn’t looking for polished, perfect prayers—He wants a real relationship with the real you.

  When you pray honestly:

  • You release the burden you’re carrying

  • You invite God into your pain

  • You open the door for His peace

  Prayer is not pretending everything is okay. It’s bringing everything that’s not okay to the One who can handle it.

  And here’s the promise: God hears you. He cares. And He responds.

  3. God Is Working Even in Your Suffering

  One of the hardest truths to accept is also one of the most powerful:

  While you are suffering, God is working.

  Romans 5 tells us that suffering produces:

  • Perseverance

  • Character

  • Hope

  Think of suffering like fire. Fire can destroy—but it can also refine. Gold becomes purer through fire.

  The difference isn’t the fire—it’s what’s being refined.

  So instead of asking:

  • “Why is this happening to me?”

  Try asking:

  • “God, what are You teaching me through this?”

  Maybe:

  • That difficult situation is producing patience

  • That painful relationship is teaching forgiveness

  • That uncertainty is growing your trust in God

  God doesn’t waste pain. He uses it.

  4. Believe That God Is Always Good and Powerful

  In Mark 4, Jesus calms a storm while His disciples panic. Before the miracle, they ask:

  “Don’t you care if we drown?”

  They doubted two things:

  • God’s goodness (“Do You care?”)

  • God’s power (“Can You do anything?”)

  Sound familiar?

  When we’re in a storm, fear often reveals that we’ve forgotten one—or both—of these truths:

  • God is good

  • God is powerful

  He’s not one or the other. He’s both.

  That means:

  • If He allows the storm, He has a purpose

  • If He doesn’t stop it, He will strengthen you through it

  God is good even when life isn’t. And He is powerful enough to either change your situation—or change you through it.

  5. The Hope Beyond Suffering

  Here’s the ultimate hope of the Christian faith:

  Suffering is not the end of your story.

  Jesus Himself suffered more than anyone—rejected, beaten, crucified. On the cross, He cried:

  “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

  But three days later, He rose again.

  Because of Jesus:

  • Suffering has meaning

  • Pain has purpose

  • Death is not the end

  Revelation promises a future where:

  • Every tear is wiped away

  • There is no more pain, death, or sorrow

  That’s the hope we hold onto.

  Even here in the Bay Area—where life can feel spiritually dry—Jesus offers living water, a river of hope in the desert.

  So where is God when you’re suffering?

  • He’s beside you

  • He’s listening to you

  • He’s working in you

  • And He’s preparing a future for you

  If you’re in Christ, suffering is not your whole story—it’s just a chapter. And the ending is already written.

  And it is good.