Maybe someone you love has just died. It might have been a parent, a spouse, a child, or a close friend. Maybe it happened with no warning at all, or maybe it came at the end of a long illness. Either way, life does not feel the same, and the hurt is hard to put into words.
You might even wonder if something is wrong with your faith because you hurt this much. So what does the Bible say about grief?
Let me say this first. Grieving does not mean your faith is weak. When you lose someone you love, it hurts, and it is okay to grieve.
I preached a message on how to deal with death from John 11, the story of two sisters grieving their brother, Lazarus, and how Jesus met each of them.
The Bible does not tell you to stop grieving.
Paul, one of the first leaders of the church, once wrote a letter to a church he had started in the city of Thessalonica. Some people in that church had died, people they loved and Paul loved too. Here is what he told them:
"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, NIV)
In Paul's day, "fallen asleep" was a gentle way of saying someone had died. Now, notice what Paul does not say. He does not say, "Do not grieve." He says, do not grieve like people "who have no hope."
Grieving is normal. Grieving is needed. It is part of being human. So the question is not whether you should grieve. The question is how you grieve, because your hope determines how you handle grief.
Hope is not wishful thinking. Hope is a confident expectation for a better future. Paul's hope rested on one thing: "Jesus died and rose again."
That hope does not make losing someone easy. It will still be painful, and it will still be hard. But you don't have to be crushed by grief. You can be comforted in the middle of it. Paul described his own life as "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing" (2 Corinthians 6:10, NIV). Meaning, you can be sad and still have hope at the same time.
Jesus met Martha with a truth she could hold on to.
In John 11, a man named Lazarus got sick and died. Lazarus and his sisters, Martha and Mary, were some of Jesus' closest friends. By the time Jesus arrived, Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days (John 11:17).
When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet Him. And she was honest. She told Jesus that if He had been there, her brother would not have died. She was heartbroken, and maybe a little disappointed in Jesus too.
Maybe you have questions for God right now. Maybe you feel let down. You don't have to hide that from Him or pretend you are fine. He welcomes your honesty. If your biggest question is why God allowed this, you can read more about why God allows suffering if He is good and loving.
Notice, Jesus did not scold Martha for being honest. Instead, He encouraged her with a truth about who He is:
"I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25-26, NIV)
To be resurrected is to be raised from death to life. Jesus does not just say He can bring resurrection. He says, "I am the resurrection and the life." Resurrection is not only something Jesus does. It is who He is.
So for everyone who trusts in Jesus, death is not a dead end. Through faith in Christ, death becomes the doorway you walk through to see the Lord's love more clearly than ever before.
This hope is not something you earn. It is a gift you simply receive by trusting what Jesus has done for you. If you have never put your trust in Jesus, you can do that today.
Jesus met Mary with His tears.
Then Mary came. She fell at Jesus' feet, crying, and said the exact same words her sister had said (John 11:32). But Jesus answered her in a completely different way.
Martha needed to hear the truth. Mary was not in that place yet. What Mary needed was someone to be with her. When Jesus saw her weeping, He was "deeply moved in spirit and troubled" (John 11:33, NIV). Then comes a verse that is only two words long: "Jesus wept" (John 11:35, NIV).
Think about that. God in the flesh stood with a grieving family, and He cried. Why? Love. The people standing there could see it. They said, "See how he loved him!" (John 11:36, NIV).
Sometimes the amount of tears shows the amount of love. The more you love someone, the more it hurts to lose them. So you never have to apologize to God for your tears. Often, they show how much you loved.
Jesus meets you right where you are.
Grief can feel like a roller coaster. You might feel okay in the morning and fall apart by the afternoon. One day you need the truth, like Martha. The next day you just need someone with you, like Mary. In all of those places, Jesus meets you right where you are.
When you cry, He is not distant from your tears. He understands what you are going through, because He loves you. He knows what it is like to weep for someone He loved.
So where are you today? Do you need to hear the truth, or do you just need to know that Jesus is with you? You can tell Him. He knows exactly what you need.
Not even death can separate you from God's love.
Death is an enemy every one of us has to face, and many people fear it. But listen to what Paul wrote:
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39, NIV)
Notice the very first thing on Paul's list: death. The good news is that even death is no match for the love of God.
Now look a little further, and you will find "the present" and "the future." Right now, the present may hold more pain than you know what to do with. The future may feel uncertain without the person you lost. Yet neither of these can separate you from the love of God.
It does not matter what you are going through. God's love will always remain the same. Jesus loved you enough to die in your place, and three days later He rose again and defeated death. There is not a single person, place, or thing that can separate you from His love.
Today, you can bring Jesus your tears and grieve with hope.
Daily Practice: Read John 11:17-36 slowly. When you reach verse 35, stop and tell Jesus honestly how you are doing today. You don't need the right words. He already knows, and He cares.
When you are hurting, the best help is often not the perfect words. It is someone who shows up and tells you they love you. If you would like someone to pray with you, or you just need to talk with someone at Arroyo, please reach out to us here.
If the weight of grief ever makes you feel like you can't go on, please call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time.